Chazz: Are you an official here? Cause youve officially given me a boner.
[Whispers]
Chazz: Im a sex addict. Its my cross to bear.


Chazz: Are you an official here? Cause youve officially given me a boner.
[Whispers]
Chazz: Im a sex addict. Its my cross to bear.


Chazz: "Squat thrusts must be hard, real hard."

Darren MacElroy: Im un-adopting you.
Jimmy: What?
Darren MacElroy: Well, legally Im disowning you.


Jimmy: "Watch my icy hot superslide."


Jimmy: So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach: Oh, really?
Chazz: Were gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Blackeyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk up in your trunk? Ima get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [Disgusted] Im not skating to anything with references to lady humps. You dont even know what that means.
Chazz: Nobody knows what it means, but its provocative...
Jimmy: No, its not.
Chazz: ...It gets the people going!


Chazz: "That, young man, is how babies are made."


Jimmy: "Sick! You smell like aftershave and taco meat."

Chazz: "Just thought youd like to see what a skaters body really looks like."


Hector: I just wanna cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday
Chazz: You better not cut my head off!
Chazz: I swear to god if you cut my head off...

Chazz: Night is a very dark time for me
Jimmy: Its dark for everyone, idiot!
Chazz: Not for people who live in Alaska. Or people with night-vision goggles.

Hector: He likes food, and dreams, and whispers... his favorite movie is Short Circuit... and Fried Green tomatoes.

Hector: I wanna wear the gold medal... naked.

Chazz: Howd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice?...With your weiner?

Coach: What do you guys have that all other teams dont have?
Chazz: Twin dongs?

Chazz: Personal philosophy: Clothing optional. Fairchild Van Waldenberg: [trying to trick their sister into spying on Jimmy and Chazz] Mommy and Daddy wouldve wanted you to do it!
Stranz Van Waldenberg: Yeah, remember how they used to be alive?

Jimmy: Hey could you help me?
Little Kid: Strangers are danger.

Jimmy: Hi, youve reached Jimmy, if you can dream it, you can do it!

Jimmy: THAT was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.

Jimmy: I see you got fat!
Chazz: I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl...but not hot.

Katie Van Waldenberg: Sorry Im late. I was busy having sex.
Katie Van Waldenberg: A lot.

Jimmy: I call top bunk!
Chazz: No, I already did.
Jimmy: No you didnt
Chazz: Yes I did. In my mind.


Chazz: It makes my hair shine like the Belt of Orion.

Chazz: This ends TONIGHT!
Jimmy: Its daytime, you douche!

Chazz: Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating.
[shouts & raises left arm]
Chazz: Boom!

Chazz: You put the bone in Zamboni.

Chazz: I am never satisfied... it is a curse!

Chazz: My victory in Boston was as sweet as the cream pie from the city its named after.

Chazz: Mind-bottling. Like your mind is trapped in a bottle.

Chazz: They laughed at Louie Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon, and now hes laughing at them from up there.

Darren MacElroy: Banned for life. Wow! Thats a long